Helping Your Teen Navigate Tough Emotions
We all know, the teen years aren’t easy. But is your teen coming home feeling like they don’t belong, really down, or more anxious than usual?
The teen years bring with them a heightened sense of awareness as to who we are, what makes us different, questioning if we belong, and what it all means about us.
This (and the fact that hormones are rapidly changing/the prefrontal cortex responsible for helping to regulate emotions isn’t fully developed yet) can make it difficult to get a handle on emotions and make sense of them.
So to help you help your teen, we’ve come up with 5 tips for supporting your teen through tough emotions.
Validate your teen
If you find yourself wanting to “fix” your teen’s situation or take away the hurt, you’re not alone. Here's what we’re going to have you try instead though.
Instead of saying something along the lines of “what are you talking about you have so many friends!” or “you have no reason to be upset!” try summarizing what your teen is telling you about how they feel and help them process it.
If your teen says something along the lines of “I have no friends, I’m such a loser!” try “That’s a really tough feeling, can you tell me more about why you’re feeling that way?”
Opening up the conversation to processing through their emotions can help your teen feel seen in what they’re experiencing while giving them room to talk it out. This can also help them slow down negative thought patterns and gain new perspective on the situation.
Sometimes it might feel like not countering your teen’s difficult feelings will do more damage, but in reality, giving them room to feel hard emotions and supporting them to process them is actually more beneficial. This helps them learn how to sit with difficult feelings and know that emotions are okay to feel, and just because we’re feeling or thinking something, doesn’t make it true.
If this is challenging, a teen therapist can always assist you in finding ways to communicate with your teen in a helpful way. They can also work with your teen to develop healthy ways to cope with and manage strong emotions.
2. Let them see how you manage tough experiences
Even though they may want you to think the opposite, teens are paying attention to what you’re doing..big time!
Modeling healthy coping skills when things get tough can help give your teen the tools to practice in their own lives.
Now, this doesn’t mean always getting it right, but it does mean trying out tools like mindfulness, breathwork, journaling, exercising, eating well, asking for support from others, going to therapy, getting sleep, or any other skills that help us stay mentally healthy and regulate our mood.
Normalizing tools and support for mental health is a big way you can help your teen feel the freedom and confidence to ask for help when they need it, try out tools to self-regulate, and know that everyone struggles and it’s ok.
3. Encourage assertive communication
When learning how to interact in new social circles or with other teens that may not always act kindly, practicing assertive communication can be essential in helping your teen build self-esteem and confidence.
Communication is a learned skill, so modeling this for your teen and encouraging them to use is how they can begin to practice it.
To give some context, here is what assertive communication is NOT.
It is not aggressive. Using language to demean, or put someone down is not assertive communication.
It is not passive. Letting things continuously “roll over” you without identifying how it made you feel and what you need is not helpful. This includes avoiding altogether.
It is not passive-aggressive. Using little “digs” even when passed off as a joke is not assertive communication. This will not help in the long run either.
Assertive communication BOTH addresses the situation (your thoughts, feelings, and opinions) AND does so in a respectful manner with the end goal being connection.
Here’s an example your teen might use: “When you didn’t invite me to the party it made me feel sad because I really like hanging out with you guys.”
It’s also important to discuss expectations for using assertive communication.
Does having assertive communication always mean getting the results we want? Unfortunately no, but practicing it can help your teen express themselves and find friends that value them for who they are. And if connection isn’t the result of assertive communication, it's a good sign a boundary needs to be made.
5. Get them connected with someone to talk to
This could be a teen therapist or it could be a mentor of some sort as well.
We know that teens don’t always want to talk to their parents and having someone outside of their immediate circle can help them open up and engage with the topics above.
If you’re looking for therapy for your teen, the good news is we have therapists that specialize in working with teens specifically.
Go ahead and click the button below to find a therapist that could be a good fit for your teen and book a free 15-minute consultation now!
